i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
