do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
