I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize