all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In other news, I just burned my penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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