capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
did i just pee glitter
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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