his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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