just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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