Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
