He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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