He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Welp...herpes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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