Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
