so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize