He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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