Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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