wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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