I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
