had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
