break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
