I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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