new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
