ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
