I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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