My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
