His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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