He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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