Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
