from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
