I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
