oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
