I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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