Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
