You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize