no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
