i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
