I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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