I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
