what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
