Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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