literally had 100 drinks last night.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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