Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
