Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
