Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
