yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
