I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize