I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I believe in your delicious
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
