did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
