Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You are a genius and a whore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
