I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
