you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
