Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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