i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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