Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
