Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
