My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
