I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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