Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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