I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
