I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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