Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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