At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize