Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
